Song of the Month- March

RIBS- LORDE

This month was rough. Probably one of my loneliest. I love my friends and host family here, but sometimes it doesn't feel comfortable which will make me feel the most homesick. Like, I can hang out with my friends and go on daytrips with them, but I can't talk all night with them or go and do something the second I ask them if they want do do something. And even though I love Mar, sometimes it's hard even after living with her for so long and knowing her so well to communicate how I'm really feeling. There are small moments where I feel frustrated or upset or alone which makes me miss home so much. My friends, family, food, my room, the weather (not rainy), Benny my dog.

Also, now that I'm going to college in September (omgomgomg), I'm starting to freak out a little. I found out where I got accepted and I'm pretty sure I'll be living in Boston for college. Now I know I'll be excited eventually, but right now, all I can do is freak out (which is very typical for me.) After about a year of missing home, I will be going home to move away from home for the next four years. This is what I want for myself- I know deep down- but I still can't help but feel so much anxiety about getting older and becoming an adult and homesickness for home (even though I'm not even in Boston yet lol).

Cue "Ribs" by Lorde. I didn't want to include two songs by the same artist in a song of the month, but how does Lorde just know, you know? I'm so glad to be alive when Lorde is still making music. She is my older sister, she always knows what to say.

I can't possibly explain the feeling I feel about getting older, but this song describes it perfectly. Her line "It feels so scary getting old" is the most true thing. I don't think I feel lots of excitement for upcoming things. Usually, it's dread or anxiety or fear. Sometimes excitement, but I'm really bad at identifying it. It's when I'm actually doing the thing when I feel excited or fine, but the time leading up to things- especially the unknown- is so scary for me. It makes me wish I had an older sibling to tell me exactly what is going to happen and what it feels like. That's probably why, for me, growing up has never been something I've looked forward to. I don't want to live without my family, grow apart from my friends, work a job without an established summer break, or have to worry about adult things like taxes or bills. I think I'm also scared that when I go back home, I will have to confront that everything is changing. Some of my friends don't live in our neighborhood anymore, I'll be at college more than my house, and my siblings and friends are changing so much. Very much terrified.

So, this song, describes how I've been feeling the past few weeks very accurately.