Song of the Month- April

I KNOW ALONE- HAIM

March was a very rough month. I was experiencing probably one of my lowest lows. This song, especially the lyrics, reflect many of the thoughts I was feeling. "Nights turn into days that turn to gray keep turning over". I felt like the days during this month were just wasting away and with each day, I felt more helpless and discouraged that the next day would end up like today where I was doing absolutely nothing. "Days get slow like counting cell towers on the road I know alone and I don't wanna talk about it". I love love this lyric so much. Cause this image is exactly how I felt during Covid lockdown as well as moments in exchange. The image of driving down a road in the summer heat and there's only the road and cell towers, one after the other, it makes you dizzy. That sad feeling that you know what's coming as you keep driving which is the same thing that has been happening for hours now. You want to get out of the cycle of doing the same thing which is nothing, but it feels hopeless. Also, "I know alone and I don't want to talk about it." Ahhh! That lyric is so freaking good. I know alone, exchange has helped me with that one. Both the good and bad alone. The bad alone is incredibly hard, especially when you are literally alone, an ocean away from home. I think the thing that helped me get out of the alone was reaching out to others, especially your exchange friends. I talked to my mom, my host mom, and even exchange friends in the Netherlands currently. But no one quite gets it like the exchange kids from the place you are from. Talking to Alex and Presley, my friends doing exchange from Houston, helps so much. When I went to Berlin, I met with another Rotary exchange girl named Jane from Houston. We didn't know each other before super well (besides small talk at the Rotary training during the summer prior), but with exchange, all barriers that might've gotten in the way in Houston immediately crumbled and Jane felt like a friend I had known for years as we talked about our exchange. It is so crazy how these kids that you barely know feel the same exact emotions you feel this year. But Jane really helped me get out of my low and remind me that all the other kids at one point were feeling what I feel.

During the low moments of exchange, it's so easy to question why you are even doing exchange or what purpose exchange has in your life. It's difficult to zoom out and see how much you have grown this year when you're currently in a funk. It is so important to reach out when you feel sad or alone, especially to the people who are going through the same thing and know exactly how you are feeling.