Discovering myself in a foreign country - Amelia Choi

Wanna know something funny? I never wanted to do exchange. I don’t think I ever fully realized what I had gotten myself into until I was alone on the plane, on my way to the Netherlands.

The truth of the matter was that I didn’t want to go to college, my friends were doing exchange, and I signed up for exchange and didn’t back out. I applied, went through the interview process, went to outbound training, and then when I got my country and plane ticket- I admit- exchange got a little real.

Now, I’m at my seven-month mark in the Netherlands. Never in my life could I have predicted I would move across the world to live in a foreign country for a year at age 18. And yet here I am, in Holland, a once unfamiliar territory that in some crazy, mind-boggling way is starting to feel like home.

I’ve had some bad days. When there are more hours of darkness than sunlight in the day. There were mornings in December that were so cold that it felt impossible to get out of bed for school. There were moments when I would be doing mundane tasks like biking from school or walking the dog and then a wave of homesickness crashes down on me and suddenly I’m crying on the street. One time, I was at the grocery store, standing before an array of breads and sobbing because at that moment, all I wanted was some Korean food.

But then, you have those magical moments throughout the year that make you forget about the bad days and remember how special exchange is. For me, there have been a few. When I am biking and there is a light wind and the sun is glowing through the tree branches and the perfect song is in my headphones- it feels like I’m in a movie. When I’m in Amsterdam, and the pedestrians, bikes, trams, cars, and buses are all moving at the same time, weaving between each other like a dance. When I’m in a restaurant that has the perfect ambiance. The room is warm and dim and lively, and there are several tables packed in a small room, so you can hear other people’s chatter in the background of your conversation. When I’m taking the train and listening to a perfect “train song.” I look out the window and see lush green fields that seem like they go on forever and pillowy pale clouds scattered dreamily in the sky. The nature in the Netherlands never ceases to amaze me. These moments are core memories; they will forever hold a place in my mind.

This year, I got to know the Netherlands as if they were a person. I grew accustomed to the bipolar weather, abnormally tall people, surplus of bikes, stretching canals, and beautiful buildings. I became familiar with the people that make up the country. Dutch people’s tendencies like their bluntness, values like their fairness, and quirks like their punctuality. Dutch people are sticklers to the rules unless the rules don’t make sense (then it’s a free for all.) They care about the environment and feel great urgency to protect our planet. They are liberal thinkers, conservative spenders. They love bread. So much.

In the span of some months, I have grown familiar with a foreign country. The coolest part of exchange though? Most definitely, it is getting to know me.

I have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to enter this completely new environment and see who I am when there is no other person or thing to influence me. I have no reputation to keep up, no friends or family to lean on. There’s only me.

When I am alone, how do I behave, think, and act? Who are the kind of people I attract? Who are the kind of people I’m attracted to? How do I react when put in tough situations? What do I choose to do in my free time? What are the thoughts I think about and the emotions I feel? What music am I listening to? What do I choose to eat everyday? How do I choose to dress?

I get to learn all these special little parts of me that make up my identity. This year, my behavior, thoughts, actions, and decisions feel good. How I am living my life right now feels intentional and organic and true. I’ve gained so much already in half a year- relationships, memories, and an understanding of a culture and country. Most importantly, I’ve gained a better understanding of who I am and what I want for myself in this life.

Some things I’ve learned about myself:

I’ve learned that I’m quite a sensitive person. I feel emotions with great intensity. But, I kind of love that about myself. I love how greatly I feel my feelings. I’ve learned that I yearn for meaningful connection in my relationships. It’s hard for me to be friends with people I don’t see myself wanting to know for forever. I’ve learned the influence music has on my life. Music can help me make sense of my thoughts, pinpoint my feelings, and center me. I’ve learned about the importance of perspective. Distinguishing the difference between what seems important to me at the moment versus what will always hold importance to me. I’ve valued status and prestige a lot throughout my life, but I value holding onto my passions and my people even more. I’ve learned about the world. How much smaller it is than I initially thought. How much realer the news from the other side of the world seems now that I’m living there. I’ve learned how connected the world is, how connected we all are to each other. How, many times, our differences overshadow our alikeness. Finally, I’ve learned how capable I am. If I can live in a foreign country on my own, I believe I can do just about anything.

Everyday I’m learning from new people, places, situations, music, and nature. There have been tough moments, magical moments, embarrassing moments, sad moments, exciting moments, and everything in between. But, it is such an adventure to take initiative and fully experience life.

Wanna know something wonderful? I am so glad I am on exchange!